HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

PAGE 3

 

My Dad died December 2, 1984 of a massive heart attack in his sleep. He was my very best friend, and I thought I would never hurt that much again, but then December 31, 1997 my Mom died after a year of battling cancer.

For most of the year that she was sick and could not stay by herself, I stayed with her, during that time I discovered that even though we didn't always agree with one another she was really a wonderful person and was also my very best friend. I have missed her much more than I ever thought was possible.

I really enjoyed your web page, and I know I will be back many times before the holiday season is over! May God bless you!


Wanda

FAREWELL

The sand of time are running low
And soon my children I must go
My heart with love for you is filled
But soon its beating must be stilled

I leave no treasures of any kind
Only my love I leave behind
Take it and share it between sister and brother
And always be kind to one another

Weep not beside the grave for me
Don't bring me flowers I cannot see
Only ashes lie neath the cold sod
Just pray that my soul has gone with God

Some of you perhaps may weep
When my eyes are closed in eternal sleep
But try to remember it won't be forever
For God can bring our spirits together

I pray that I go to a world far above
To be with the others that I love
And to wait awhile on that Heavenly plain
Until the day we shall meet again.

The poem was written by Florence McInnes (my mother)
Sent in by David Richard

I believe that a lot of what we carry around is grief for those people and things that we haven't yet let go of. I guess that's from personal experience. Anyway, here's a quote you can use anywhere you wish, as if you needed more . . .

"If you were once connected with someone, does it make sense that the connection is broken just because of a physical death? No, the connection stays. You may just have to listen differently. You may just have to talk differently. The truth is: the connection is never broken. It's quite impossible to break the most powerful connection in the universe. As long as you exist, the connection stays."

Copyright © 1998 Chris Collins

If tears could build a stairway and memories were a lane,
We would walk all the way to Heaven, to bring you home again
No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye
You were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why
Our hearts ache in sadness, and secret tears will flow
What is meant to lose you, no one will ever know

Anonymous
Sent in by Kristin Butner --- Virginia

I sent you an email earlier today. Then, while surveying your site, I found the area for those who have lost loved ones. I would like to contribute a verse God gave me a couple of months ago in hope that it will be a comfort to someone.

COMFORT
2 Cor. 1:3-5

Surrounded by friends
yet all alone
the one I loved
God has called home

the hugs of friends
helps ease the pain
and I know my loss
is my loved one's gain

but tears now flow
across my face
as I long for just
one more embrace

then comfort comes
and I see Christ's face
He hugs my loved one
and I feel God's grace.

Contributed by Bruce Cullom

Below is another verse that came to me at the grave site of my pastor's wife last year. She was 47 and died with cancer - leaving two children. It was as though she was saying this to me. I had this verse framed for my pastor and he said it helped him get through the difficult times.

MY NEW PAGE
John 14:2-3
(For Judy Creek)

My page has turned
a chapter's closed
a brand new page
for me unfolds

and my new page
will never turn
nor for the old page
will I yearn

for my new page
is Heaven, you see
I'm home with Jesus
for eternity.

Sent in by Bruce Cullom

THE MOST CARING CHILD

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed into his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing I just helped him cry."

Sent in by Martha Varzaly --- Pennsylvania

This is a beautiful poem that comforted me greatly when my uncle passed away...

You would know the secret of death?

But how shall you find it
unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day
cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death,
open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one,
even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires
lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow
your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams,
for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd
when he stands before the king
whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling,
that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind
and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing,
but to free the breath from its restless tides,
that it may rise and expand
and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence
shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top,
then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs,
then shall you truly dance.

Excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
Contributed by Skai Rusis --- California

With Loving Memory to Shelley Mialki
We love you and will never be able to forget you

"Some people make the world special just by being in it."

Author Unknown
Sent in by Courtney Montony --- Pennsylvania

This is a poem that really helped me with the death of my 17 year old cousin. If you think that there is any way this could help anyone else, please add it. Please don't put my name on this. I want it to be anonymous.

"I'll lend you for a little while,
a child of mine" God said,
"for you to love the while she lives,
and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be two or three short years,
or twenty-two or three,
but will you, till I call her back,
take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and should her stay be brief,
you'll have her lovely memories
as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teacher's true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call,
to take her back again?"

God fancied he heard the parent's say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy the child shall bring,
the risk of grief I'll run.

I'll shelter her with tenderness,
I'll love her while I may,
and for the happiness I've known
forever grateful I'll stay.

But should the angels call for her,
much sooner than I planned,
I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand."

I just wanted to thank you for this wonderful site.

My mother passed away in 1994, three weeks after she found out that she had cancer. It was devastating to me, and I feel as if I will never heal.

My mother was everything to me.....my teacher, my counselor, my cheerleader, my caretaker; but most of all, my best friend.

I cannot even explain my feelings of loss....never has anything hurt this bad. Not a day goes by that she is not in my thoughts, and I just wish I could've held her one more time and told her how much she meant to me.

I can only hope to leave the kind of impression on my children that my mom has left with me....I was blessed to be given this special person as my mom.

God bless her and keep her...............with all my love. Thank you for letting me share with you.....


Tina R.

GOLDEN HEART
(For My Pop-Pop)

God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not meant to be,
So he put his arms around you
and whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
as we saw you pass away.
Although we loved you deeply,
we could not make you stay.
Your Golden Heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Copyright © 1997 Therese Williamson
Originally Submitted by: Belinda Moon --- New Jersey
Corrections and permission to have this beautiful poem on our site
Given by Author - Therese Williamson 3/29/99

THE CHILD

The sun is up spreading its golden sunshine across the floor
Hear the sound of small feet running fast as they can to the door
Big eyes looking through the window to make sure there's no rain

He grabs his tonka truck in tiny hands, forgetting he is still in PJs
And runs for his island of mystery and imagination, the sandbox
Where all his fantasies are played out in grand adventures in his mind

You can see him as he talks to all the unseen characters and players
The real world long forgotten as lives in this one, until the call to eat.
Scrambling in, not wanting to wash, telling of all his wonderful time

These are some of the memories causing tears to fall from sad eyes now
For this small child has been taken away forever
Now by a stupid selfish act

On this earth he smiles and plays and runs and hugs and loves no longer
The pain of his leaving tears at the very fabric of the hearts
Of those love him
Remembering the innocence of his laugh
And the glow of wonder in his eyes

The child hears strange sounds and stops for a minute,
It sounds like crying
He stands up and looks around his huge golden sandbox
Full of wonderful toys
For he was playing again,
Playing in his own little world of great imagination

At the edge of his sandbox he finds no lawn,
Instead nothing there but clouds
And he can see all those who love them,

They are right there, almost touching
He does not understand why they are crying,
But he does know they are there

He waves and goes back to his toys,
His beautiful new sandbox in the clouds
He feels no pain, no sadness,

For this is a place where only peace can live
Where the sun is always bright, soft breezes blow gently, and all is love

He will play happily, and though the years pass slowly on our earth
To him it will be but only the space of a moment until the reuniting comes
And he runs happily into the arms of those who loved him so very much.

.........................Last
Copyright 9-27-1998 Ernie
( in memory of a murdered child )

I read the section, "Helping us through the pain, Helping us through the grief," and remembered a letter that I had, that you might want to use. Here it is:

A letter written by Benjamin Franklin to his niece on the death of his brother February 23, 1756

"I condole with you. We have lost a most dear and valuable relation. But it is the will of God and nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside when the soul is to enter into real life. This is rather an embryo state, a preparation for living. A man is not completely born until he is dead. Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals, a new member added to their happy society?

We are Spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or in doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes, and afford us pain instead of pleasure, instead of aid become an encumbrance, and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is provided by which we may rid of them. Death is that way.

We ourselves, in some cases, prudently choose a partial death. A mangled painful limb which cannot be restored, we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth parts with it freely, since the pain goes with it; and he who quits the whole body, parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pain and diseases which it was liable to, or capable of making him suffer.

Our friend and we are invited abroad on a party of pleasure which is to last forever. His chair was ready first, and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniently start together; and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and know where to find him?"

I hope you have a wonderful and blessed week. God bless you.
Sent in by Barbara Barker --- Texas and Rev. Frankie L. Perdue

I noticed on your site wherein you have a link for poetry that lifts the spirits of those suffering from grief. I want to share with you a poem I co-authored (God gave me the words) entitled, "May You Have Peace."

Feel free to use it as it has a good deal of personal meaning for me as my grandfather recently passed away. Again, use it if you feel it merits being placed on this link for those experiencing grief.

I woke one morning early and the poem was written in a matter of minutes and hence, I know the words found within the poem were provided me by our gracious and loving God. I hope that you find meaning in it. With much humility and respect, Brian...

MAY YOU HAVE PEACE


I cannot say that I know, just how you feel
For your hurt is so great, and will take God's touch to heal

Yet is it possible for such a wound, to completely ever mend
When you've lost your mate, parent, child or good friend

Please know that I pray for you, each and every day
And feel God's Holy Spirit, in small and simple ways

And then I am reminded, of such a simple phrase
With all the strength that's in you, please walk by faith

So come to me and talk about, anything you feel
For I'll be here in body, but Christ will soon reveal

That while it is impossible, for a friend to end your pain
HE will bring about a peace, and in your hurt sustain

In and through Christ, Copyright © 1997 Brian G. Jett

A GREATER LOVE

Someone who died in their thirties
Who traveled about doing good
Whose hand touched the leprous, the outcast
Was criticized, misunderstood
Someone who loved little children
And often gathered them around
Wherever people were hurting
Such tender compassion was found

Someone who drew the great masses
Yet had time for just one or two
Who hated all falsehood and lying
And said so, outspokenly, too
Someone who wept with the weepers
Brought joy to the rich and the poor
Who spoke with compassionate feeling
And acted the same, what is more

Do I speak of the Princess of Wales?
Men say this of her, it is true
But remember that she was not perfect
And let people down sometimes, too
I remember a love that is greater -
For she, like us all, made mistakes -
The One who, though God, lived among us
Then suffered and died for our sakes

For Jesus our Lord left His riches
Became poor and lived on this earth
That we might, by faith and repentance
Gain riches of Heavenly worth
As we honor the life of Diana
May the love-light she lit not grow dim
Yet it is but a feeble reflection
Of the honor and love we owe Him.

Copyright © 1997 Dorothy Bull, England
Written on the tragic death of Diana, Princess of Wales, 31/8/97
Copywritten and permission to reprint

Sent in by Rose Perry --- Australia

I wish you were here for me mom, sometimes I feel lonely. You died 20 years ago and I still have you on my mind. I just wanted to tell you that I still love you mom.

Mayra Spreng ---Puerto Rico

HEARTSTRINGS

When those we love go away, they never really leave us;
they are with us now, wherever we are.
Those whom we have cherished, live on forever,
for love wraps itself around the heart.
Although it's difficult now,
someday beyond our tears and all the world's wrongs;
beyond the clouds and all that we can see and touch,
we shall all understand.

I got this from a card I saw in a store and I bought the card without having anyone to give it to just because it touched me so deeply. It sounds as if you're extremely busy, so I thank you for taking the time to read this. Good luck, and take care!

Shireen --- California

I'M FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took his hand when I heard his call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found the peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joys-
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your hearts, and peace to thee-
God wanted me now, he set me free.

Linda Jo Jackson
Contributed by Renee S. Capeloto
Fran Sawyer --- Florida
Sally Traver --- Illinois

From headstone in Ireland...

"DEATH LEAVES A HEARTACHE NO ONE CAN HEAL,
LOVE LEAVES LIVES A MEMORY NO ONE CAN STEAL"

Contributed by Fran Sawyer --- Florida

I AM NOT HERE

Don't stand by my grave and weep,
For I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning, hush.
For I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circle flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.

Hopi Grief Song/Prayer
Contributed by Fran Sawyer and Don Marx --- Florida
Source provided by Kristi Williams --- Arizona --- 1/16/02

TO REMEMBER ME

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying.

At a certain moment, a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine, and don't call this my death bed. Let this be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man.

If by chance you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or a word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

Robert N. Test
Contributed by Fran Sawyer --- Florida

My grandfather passed away last week at the age of 86 and a good friend of mine said something that has stuck with me. She said

"Think of all of the years that you have had with your Grandfather... That is how long God has been waiting for him."

He was a very special man and I thank God every day for letting us borrow him for a while. He will be missed!

Stefanie Bartram --- Ohio

I HAVE A PLACE IN HEAVEN

Please don't sing sad songs for me,
Forget your grief and fears,
For I am in a perfect place
Away from pain and tears...
It's far away from hunger
And hurt and want and pride,
I have a place in Heaven
With the Master at my side.
My life on earth was very good,
As earthly life can go,
But Paradise is so much more
Than anyone can know...
My heart is filled with happiness
And sweet rejoicing, too.
To walk with God is perfect peace,
A joy forever new.

Author Unknown
Contributed by Don Marx

My wife and I lost our precious 5 year old daughter this past February. We had a wonderful poem that was read at her funeral. Here it is:

GOD SAID

"For a little while I'll lend you a child of mine for you to cherish while she lives, and mourn for when she is dead. Look after her for me! It may be six or seven years before I will call her home.

Will you care for her?

She'll bring you love, joy and happiness and should her stay be brief, you'll have a whole host of memories as solace from your grief."

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from the earth returns to dust, but there are lessons taught below that I want this child to learn.

Will you love her?

I've looked the whole world over in my search for teachers true, and from the masses that crowd life's lane at last I've chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love and not think your labor in vain and turn against me when I come to take her back home again.

I fancied that I heard you say to me:

"Dear Lord your will be done, for all the joy your child shall bring the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter her with tenderness. We'll love her while we may, and the happiness we've known forever grateful stay. But should the angels call her much sooner than planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

"I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said, for you to cherish while she lives, and mourn for when she's dead."

Epitaph For A Dead Child (from an Irish Death Card)
Contributed by Robert and Kerri DelCimmuto --- Pennsylvania
(In memory of Jessica DelCimmuto)

This was given to me by my across-the-street neighbor this afternoon. She told me it was what was placed on her brother-in-law's headstone when he passed away last year, and I really liked it. Thought you might too...

 

When I come to the end of the day
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love we once shared,
Miss me but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the maker's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the friends we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds -
Miss me, but let me go.

Contributed by Fran Sawyer --- Florida

MEMORIAL SERVICE

This little talk was given by me at a memorial held at work for a colleague who had died in a fire that destroyed his house.

Johan was a person who had been an inspiration to us all. He never took no for an answer and even after three years his work and attitude towards life is an inspiration for me and for others who were blessed by his presence.

There are not many individuals who can be remembered so fondly from an association in the work-place.

"Hi, everyone.

I am at a loss of words to describe Johan. Many will remember him as a friendly and concerned individual. I remember him as someone who lived up to the standards that God demands from us all.

His death reminds us that life is short and that only those are remembered who have lived it to the fullest and given back a lot in return. Sure he is not around us but every time we will meet someone as positive and motivated as him we will recall his name with fondness.

His physical presence has been taken away from us. But I believe that his memories will suffice. Our relationship with him is like that of a mother and a child. Born with a physical connection through the umbilical cord, which still lives on even after being severed. That bond is everlasting and ever nourishing.

I simply wish that if he were to be born again on this beautiful planet may he live the same life that he did and leave many more like be blessed and touched by what he brought with him.

Thank you."

Till this day I get comments from people about this little speech. When it comes from the heart it's always right.

Deepak Bhootra --- Johannesburg, South Africa

As per your request for inspirational stories for the October issue, I will share this one. It is a true story about my life.

ANSWERED PRAYERS

I slowly walked into the darkened and quiet hospital chapel. Thankful that no one was there, I knelt down before the altar with tear filled eyes.

I was no longer asking for a miracle, I was now asking for strength to get me through the worst time in my life.

"Please Jesus, give me strength" I blurted out with a cry. I did not ask for anything else as I knelt there sobbing.

Suddenly I felt something warm and heavy on my right shoulder behind me. It was Jesus. I was not surprised, just comforted and not alone anymore.

I never was alone to begin with, he was always there, waiting on me to ask for him.

His hand stayed on my shoulder until I finished crying. I picked myself up and now that I was stronger, I could go back and face seeing my first husband die, along with all of our hopes and dreams.

You know, I asked God to save my husband and I thought that he did not answer me. Now I know that he did answer me by saying

"You may not have this life, but I will give you a new life. One which you will have another loving husband that brings with him a child that gives love and joy."

"You shall have a child of your own who will be like your heart running around outside your body."

The point of my story is that we are God's children and as our Father he will provide us with what we need and what is best.

Copyright © 1999 Geri L. Phillips --- Texas


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