It was like looking into a mirror; I finally saw myself for what it really was. My fast(in) ability in marriage was average and it was causing serious harm to my relationship with my wife.
I needed a solution very quickly.
What was I to do?
First of all, I needed to know which of the culture rules I hardly used, which one I often used and which one I always used.
So, I looked at my report again to identify it:
a. Facts not just Opinions ------ BROWN
b. Ask the Right and Best Source ------ GREEN
c. See in Systems ---------- BROWN
d. Think and Act the Best Way --------BROWN
e. Inquire, Expect, Prepare, Move ------- BROWN
f. Never Assume ------- GREEN
From the analysis I did for myself, it was obvious I needed to improve a lot in 2 culture rules:
a. Ask the Right and Best Source
b. Never Assume
The reason was because my grade was GREEN, which meant I never used those culture rules in my marriage. Furthermore, I needed to improve more in 4 other culture rules:
a. Facts not just Opinions
b. See in Systems
c. Think and Act the Best Way
d. Inquire, Expect, Prepare, Move
The reason was because my grade was BROWN, which meant I sometimes used those culture rules in my marriage. I concluded that I needed to be trained on how to begin to use these culture rules constantly in my marriage. I NEEDED TO HAVE A BLACK GRADE ON EVERY CULTURE RULE.
But who or what was qualified to train me?
I decided to search and ask around for people who were professional trainers on culture change and management.
Dear Child, it was a very difficult task; even though a lot of my friends had recommended people they knew who did some kind of training that involved communication and self-discipline skills, I didn't want to go to them.
The reason was because working in the supermarket had exposed us to several training courses, most of which were technical. The non-technical ones were good, it was just that I didn't see any effect it had on my behavior. Most of the training only lasted for 4 days. It was too short.
Those trainers were giving us information on being better people, but that information was not designed to change our behavior. That is why even though we went for training, it didn't change who we were on the inside. After a while, everyone was back to behaving the same way again, before we had the training.
The training I was looking for had to be different, something that would take me on a journey of change.
I just couldn't find anyone who could take me on that journey.
After another 5 months of endless searching, I told my wife what I had discovered about myself and how I wanted to change things, but I couldn't find anyone who had what I needed so badly.
My wife thought for a while and looked at me with her deep brown eyes and said, "Darling, if you can't find what you need, why don't you create one for yourself?"
It was as if a light bulb lit on top of my head.
I gave her a big hug and dashed down stairs to the study room. I was going to create the solution. I was going to create a method to help me on my journey of behavioral change.
I had no other choice; if it is what would help me save my marriage, then it is worth the effort.
I'll tell you what I did in my next letter.
Remember, your Culture is everything.
Copyright © 2011 HiZen-3 Ltd
This story is a series of letters written by Segun Cadmus, Manager, HiZen-3 Ltd, a company created to be the Ultimate guide in Culture Management at work and life. Please visit us at: http://www.hizenworld.com for more information about what we do.
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