Who am I? Know one yet, just someone wanting to share my story; a story that's probably been told before. Maybe a different version or a different scenario, however, this is mine and I am Angelina Barth.
Who do I want to be? Well, I always wanted to be someone. I still lay there at night and daydream about traveling overseas, working in villages with kids of need; working with animals, a fashion designer, front cover of the magazine, talking about my courageous life and how I got to be where I am now. I could have been a vet too, however I couldn't handle the blood and guts and the emotion of animals suffering.
I guess what I would love, is success.
What am I at the moment? I am someone who has dreams that feel too far-fetched to grab. I work in an office 8-5 Monday to Friday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining; I love my job. I just wish my job was my dreams.
What type of person am I? Well I'm halfway there to figure that one out. I am a person who has had so much cramped into 21 years. In 21 years I have experienced and seen Alcoholism, Depression, Sexual abuse, Drugs and plenty more.
I am a person who strongly believes everything happens for a reason. We have paths chosen for us and it is up to us to walk those paths and decide which ones will keep us going.
Life is a journey, an experience. If something goes wrong - we fall, but it is up to us to pick ourselves up and to keep walking. The only difference this time is we need to remember what crack we tripped over and to jump over it next time.
I have negativity in my life, everyone does. I decide to let the positive push the negative away.
Do I wish things happened to me? No, of course not, but they did. And they happened for a reason. That's why I can't drown in my own sorrow; all that will do is bring my spirit down. I want to get up and see the good things that life has planned for me.
Am I strong? Not strong enough, I don't think anyone is. Everyone has problems. The worst thing when you are pessimistic, you don't like to hear problems because you are always working on your own.
I can't be around negative people, why? Because I hate people that continue to make excuses and live yesterday instead of today. Everyone has to have problems otherwise there wouldn't be any paths for us to choose from. It's when it's the same problem and we sit there on the ground because you let the problem take over you. Instead you should feel yourself, listen to yourself, get up and keep walking.
Am I normal? Of course not, I don't want to be. Being different is unique. When you lose yourself, I don't think you ever get it back. You experience new things and it keeps adding to the person you are.
What is happiness? Never knowing what's going to happen next. If someone sat me down at a table and told me how my life would fold out, what would be the point in living? Living is not knowing; living is learning everyday as it comes. There's always something to learn.
I hate when people try and make your own problems their own. Why do people do that? Does it cover up their own problems? The only thing is when they keep talking like they know your problems. They don't know. They just want an excuse to have something to slow them down from working out their own.
Is that harsh? I don't think so... It's my own opinion. There's nothing wrong with that in my eyes. If I wanted to share my problems, it would mean that I needed help to get up. If I don't bring them up, that means I don't want them to surface; I'm dealing with them in my own way.
Have I contradicted myself? Maybe... That's your opinion to have. I am always a helping hand, a listening ear but my eyes are opened to see if you want to help yourself.
Copyright © 2009 Angelina Barth
I think that writing is the best way to express emotion. I wrote this when my brother was going through depression. He said it helped him, so I hope someone else may relate to it and that it helps them too.
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