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Questions From Readers
For HiZen
Part 8
Questions about Relationship Choices

May 11, 2012


Dear HiZen,

I was in the relationship with a wonderful lady. I enjoyed her presence and I really enjoyed her cooking. However, at times when we had a misunderstanding, it was as if hell was turned loose and the once lovely and passionate lady transformed into someone completely different.

This scared me a lot because if this was how it was going to be when we were dating, I only wondered what it would have been like if we settled down in marriage.

I took the bold step of ending the relationship and now I want to make sure that when I do choose to date again, I know what to look out for.

My question is this: Was there something I overlooked before choosing to date her? What must I keep in mind before going into another relationship?


Dear Friend,

Being in a relationship that brings out the best in someone is something a lot of people are searching for. As the saying goes, "Who you are with will either increase or decrease your chances of success in life and work."

The best approach is to go back to the very beginning and find answers to the following questions:

  1. What is the intention of a relationship?

  2. What are the roles of the male or female individual in a relationship?

  3. What are the benefits that come with having a good relationship?

  4. Is it important for both of you to have areas of common interest and desires?

  5. Do you complement each other and in which areas?

  6. What value will you get if you choose to date her? Can being with her bring out the best in you?

These questions are simple, yet very profound. Once you get the chance to reflect on these questions, a lot of things will begin to occur to you; it will give you a chance to engage in self-reflection.

Your quest is to question your thoughts, deeds and actions and see what needs to be improved, reduced, introduced or removed completely.

Do this and you will evolve as an individual; you will begin to notice changes in your thoughts and behavior.

Ensure you record your progress in these areas, thus, once you are ready to go into another relationship, it will be handled with more maturity and better discretion.

Good luck!

Love always,


--- Copyright © 2012 HiZen-3 Ltd
This story is a series of letters written by Segun Cadmus, Manager, HiZen-3 Ltd, a company created to be the Ultimate guide in Culture Management at work and life. Please visit us at: for more information about what we do.

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