Letters from HiZen Letter Three

Dear Child,

I'm sure you have begun to get an idea about my life, and the rules I created, so you can learn from my triumphs and mistakes.

Can you still recall Culture Rule 2?
"Make sure what you know is complete and correct."

Well, the next story you are about to read is a tragic one, although it was this experience that helped me create the following Culture Rule.

Culture Rule 3: If they don't qualify, don't pay any attention to them.

I met my lovely future wife 62 years ago at a business convention. She studied Mass communication and later received her Masters degree in Psychology. She was very spontaneous and fun to be with. In fact, you would have noticed her presence anywhere. It was those traits that captured my attention.

We dated for 3 years and got married on her 29th birthday. It was a really romantic experience. As we danced together and held each other so closely, I looked deep into her eyes and knew this was the lady created just for me.

My wife loved kids. She was always volunteering to baby-sit for her friends and colleagues. She called it: "Getting a crash course for motherhood."

We tried for 5 years to have a child and after a lot of patience and prayer, my wife conceived. She checked her progress with the doctor constantly and we were told we were going to have twins.

God is good, you might say; He always has a way for rewarding those who diligently seek him.

My wife was 7 months pregnant and already began to shop and plan for their arrival in 2 months time.

In her 8th month, her friends decided to throw my wife a mini baby shower celebration during the weekend. I decided to leave the house for all of them; the last person they wanted in the house was me. I would spend my weekend at work in the office.

It was about 8:00 pm when I got a call from one of my wife's friends. She told me my wife was being rushed to the hospital. She said that she started bleeding heavy 10 minutes ago, so they drove her to the nearby hospital, the one right across from our house.

I rushed to get to the hospital as quick I could. I needed to be by her side while she faced this strange ordeal.

Once I located where she was, the doctor told me she had gone into pre-mature labor but suddenly fainted while trying to give birth. They had to do a C-section on her, to save the babies....... but both babies didn't make it.

It was a tragic loss for us after trying and waiting for so long, only to lose them this way.

What happened????????????????

She was all right when I left her with her friends.

My wife had to stay in the hospital for a week and all our family friends and colleagues came round to pay their respects. By the time she was discharged and arrived at home, I decided to have a one-on-one talk with her.

My wife told me that they all were talking about babies and how wonderful it would be to finally be a mother. Then, one of her friends began to describe what going into labor was like; the pain, the blood, and all the strange feelings that a woman goes through to give birth to one baby, let alone giving birth to twins. Most likely, the ordeal would be double.

Her friend's description was so vivid and real. All of a sudden my wife's blood pressure skyrocketed. She began to bleed and was rushed to the hospital. When she went into labor, she was so scared of going through the delivery pain her friend described, that she fainted.

Then I asked her the ultimate question: "HAS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS GIVEN BIRTH TO BABIES BEFORE?"

My wife said,"No."

"So, why would you pay any attention or take advice from a person who doesn't know what it means to be in your shoes?"

This tragic event made me vow to only pay attention to those who were qualified. Before I made any decisions, I would take the extra effort to get the information from the RIGHT and BEST SOURCE.

My dear child, I know so many people who take advice from people who aren't qualified to advise them on what they need to know. Moves like these have ended marriages, destroyed businesses, broken relationships and friendships.

We learnt our lesson the hard way and it took another 2 years before my wife could conceive again. When she did, this time we did the right thing.

So I now have my next letter 'A' Ask the Right and Best Source

Part 3- Letters from HiZen- lessons to live by
Dear Child, the right and best source are those who have experience or expertise in the area you need guidance. They are able to advice you because they know what it means to be in your shoes. They understand your pain and situation.
I agree, often times, these people are not available, so we settle for those around us to get advice. This is a wrong move. Please think about what you have read, don't end up like me.

This is a tough one to take. I know in due time, Culture Rule 3: If they don't qualify, don't pay any attention to them, will settle in your mind and you will begin to apply it.

In my next letter, I will tell you how I got the next Letter for the Culture Matrix.

Remember, Culture is everything.



Copyright 2011 HiZen-3 Ltd
This story is a series of letters written by Segun Cadmus, Manager, HiZen-3 Ltd, a company created to be the Ultimate guide in Culture Management at work and life. Please visit us at: http://www.hizenworld.com for more information about what we do.

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